Freeport February Final blog of the month

Freeport is not my creation,it is the creation of the brilliant minds over at Green Ronin games. I have borrowed from a lot of great sources in my story’s that I have told.

Lets take a moment to reflect. We have looked at the idea of a fantasy city and how it works as well as the sewers that bubble under the city. Before we close our February visit to Freeport lets take a look at one more thing that any decent fantasy city needs. Especially a city populated and run by thieves, pirates and adventurers and that’s law enforcement.

A few First level guards can handle themselves against a drunken bar brawl or a simple shop robbery but how does a city like Freeport deal with the amount of weirdness an average adventuring party can bring.

When the wizard summons 15 giant apes what are the options? The city could just let them run rampant and then charge them. They could employe a special forces of individuals who have the same powers and skills as those meddling adventures but then that would just mean Two wizards summoning 15 giant apes. They could ban them from the city, but lets face it when adventures are drooping $50.00 GP gems to pay for a 3CP dinner, its a good idea to keep those wacky adventures in the city. Plus, how many times has the city had the adventures solve a problem for them.

So the conundrum for the law enforcement of any fantasy type city is how do they deal with the adventures and still capitalize on the adventures?

Give them a job!

Why do you think so many campaigns end with the party being given land and a castle and some position within the city government? Because the Authorities WANT the adventures running things?

No of course not, would you give a 5 year old the keys to the death star?

No they give them jobs because they know that once that wizard has to deal with a G-w-TS 36 report (in triplicate) for the 75^th time, any thoughts he might have had of destroying the city are soon replaced with thoughts of “i just want to go home for the day”

No foe the heroes has ever faced is more dangerous or insidious then a well run GOVERMENT! Bureaucracy and litigation will soon become names the party fears more then Orcus (hail orcus).

After a few months of having to pay the city various funds and taxes and fines out of there own pockets will soon lead the party to find that they no longer have that endless supply of 50GP gems to use to buy dinner, they may have to start actually being smart about there investments?

Soon after that the daily drudgery of the Government will either drive the party into a mindless worker bee fugue or send them running from the city to the nearest death pit because they would rather face Orcus (hail orcus) then another day of complaining citizens and paperwork.

So the adventures are gone or dealt with and things return to normal in the city, until the next band of Heroes arrive!

While I am being somewhat silly about this the fact of the matter is the greatest threat any fantasy city’s faces is the heroes and we all know it,. Paying for simple things with 50GP gems would soon ruin the economy as money would become pointless when the Wizard is buying bread with platinum and the cleric never pays for anything because he can just make food appear

The amount of damage and injury’s a typical bar brawl between two high level heroes would be staggering

Its is in the city’s best intreist to milk the party dry of there funds as soon as possible and then get them out of the city as fast as they can or give them jobs.

So now we take our leave of freeport and perhaps we better understand when Lord Ulric sadly talks about how things were in his day. Back when he was still a Warrior of Might and not the assistant minister of the Haberdashery

Next month is march and march is MEGADUNGON month.

Till then, Beware the great and powerful BUACRAYCY and LITAGATION

and, Be excellent.

February Freeport Blog:

Sewers and Slime Beast

As a society grows, so does it's need for Sewers. From getting rid of waste to the various tunnels and pipes needed to support a city the size of Freeport. Now add in things like magic and Dwarfs and a technology level equal to Earth around the time of the last great age of piracy, plus just normal bureaucracy, and you begin to get the idea that the sewers under a D&D city are going to be just a little weird. From simple wells and potty’s to brick lined viaducts to strange Gnomish constructions the Sewer levels of Freeport are going to be a twisting mess of a Maze.

I mean there are still parts of the London Underground that are being rediscovered every few years and look at those cave city’s they found in Turkey recently? The sewer system of any large city is the closest we will ever get to a Mega Dungeon in the real world.

Now there are not going to be a lot of actual rooms in a sewer system, but it's safe to assume there are junctions and maintenance shafts. Storage rooms and forgotten corners, also a few basements that open up in to the Sewer? In addition Freeport is a city built by adventures, pirates, thieves and evil cultists. More then a few secret rooms and hidden passages lie down in those sewers. Maybe a underground dock for that mechanical Shark? And there are a few sinister secrets and dangers that lurk down in those pipes. There is no real reason to describe each inch of the Sewer system as they would all be about the same. Wet, Stinky.

The greatest danger in the sewer is the sewer it's self. It is a bubbling cauldron of disease and foul rotted things. Vast alchemical nightmares made out of all the stuff that has been dumped down the Privy over the years and of course Alligators.

Sewer wandering encounter chart.
Roll 1d6 for every ½ an hour the party spends in the Sewer, on a 1 or 6-they have an encounter. Also any loud noises the party makes will generate another check.

1: Alligator

2: Swarm of rats

3: Swarm of giant rats

4: Dire rat

5: Giant insects

6: Giant sewer crab

7: Sewer slime beast (Insert favorite ooze or slime)

8: Zombies

9: Ghouls

10: Sewer maintenance team composed. 1D6. 1=Dwarfs. 2=Halflings. 3=Gnomes. 4=Goblins 5=Humans

11: Sewer guard patrol. 1D6. 1=Dwarf 2=Gnomes. 3=Halflings 4=Goblins. 5=Humans

12: Evil cultist

13: Drunk who got lost in the sewer

14: Sneaky thief types using the sewer to break in to a basement

15: Merchants using the sewers as an shortcut to move there stuff about Town

16: Low level adventures hired to “Clean up the rat problem”

17: Shambling mound

18: Gill men/Karo-Taro

19: Pack of feral dogs

20: Some weird alchemical/wild magic stuff: GM whim.

Fixed encounters in the sewers of a large seaport city like Freeport would involve the machinations of the various NPC's who use the sewers as a way to maneuver about the city undetected or to hide things in the many nooks and cranny’s of the location.

Four sample fixed spots in the Freeport Sewer system.

1: Cultist lair.
Over the years many evil cultist have used Freeport as a base of operations due to it's vast population of various races and it's access to the ocean. This spot is currently being used by the Cult of the Bane Lords for worship and sacrifice.

A small brick alcove with straw mats on the ground to absorb the water Large scented candles line the walls and provide some relief from the sewers stench when lit.

A mural depicting the symbol of the cult has been painted on the far wall. A alter of sorts has been erected in front of the mural made out of hammered together wood. Splatters of blood can be seen on the alter next to more candles.

At any given time there is a 1-6 chance that 1d6+1 low level cultist are in the shrine preforming some foul ritual for there dark gods.

AC: 15 HP: 10 BAB +1 Short Swords +1 1d6+1 or Tossed knifes +1 1d4+0 10 CP & 3 Sp each. ECL 2.

In addition a random zombi will appear in the shrine once every hour, sent by the bane lords to cause mischief in the sewers.

2: Hidden loot:
It goes with out saying that in the long history of Freeport more then a few things have been hidden in the sewers and some of those left forgotten until today.

This is one such buried fortune.

On a Perception check of 15 the party will notice some of the bricks in this spot seem lose. It is a simple task to remove them and expose a small hidden room made out of crude stone. There are no light sources in the chamber but unlike the rest of the Sewer it is relatively dry and clean

A single humanoid skull lies in the right corner of the room but other then that it appears to be empty.

A careful search of the room will expose a lose stone panel in the floor.

A DC15 Perception check will tell the party that the panel is trapped, with a simple but effective poison gas trap.

Removing the bladder that holds the gas is a DC 17 disable device check. If unsuccessful or if no one bothers to check for traps then the gas is released in the room.

Poison Gas: DC 15 VS Fort. If make save lose 1d4 temporary Con points, if save is failed then lose 1d8 temporary Con points.

Surviving or disabling the trap allows the party to remove the panel and discover the left behind treasure!

120 lose CP dated 75 years ago. 220 SP also dated 75 years ago. 80 GP again dated 75 years ago.

Under the coins the party finds a small platinum bar (100 GP) and 2 50GP Ruby’s but the true treasure are the 3 bottles of a rare wine from 75 years ago. It would easily sell for anywhere between a 200GP low bid to a 500 GP high bid depending on how the party goes about selling it.

In addition there is a very ugly non magic hat in the hole with the initials M.A on the inside, you have no idea who that is.

3: Lair of the sewer swamp monster.

Jinkys: Rumors of a swamp monster haunting the sewers have existed for as long as there has been a sewer. Zoinks, is it just a guy in a mask or is it in fact an actual sewer monster.

It's both.

Much like a character from a certain movie, the swamp monster is not One person but a long history of individuals using the legend of the sewer swamp monster to further there own ends. Every few years a new enterprising criminal rises up and assumes the mantel of the sewer swamp monster.

The current sewer swamp monster is a merchant by the name of David Keating. Keating is using the sewer as a way to break in to the basements of his competitor's and damage there goods so he can sell his stuff at higher prices. He adopted the guise of the sewer swamp monster to frighten any guards his victims might send to stop him. So far he has been successful and even managed to put One merchant out of business, but he has yet to run afoul of any “Meddling adventures.”

He stores his costume and stolen loot in the basement of his own shop, which opens up to the sewer via a hole he made in the wall.

If the party investigates the sightings of the sewer monster, they will need to make 3 successful survival/tracking DC 15 checks to follow the trail to his lair.

Hidden in the lair is also his latest collection of stuff he has stolen from his victims. About 800GP worth of “product”

The sewer swamp monster: David Keating.

2^nd level expert ( wine merchant)AC 15 HP 11 Intimidate +4 (jinkys its a swamp monster). Movement 25 (that costume is heavy). Engineering & disable device +3 (to better break in to basements). Profession-wine merchant +4

Swamp monster claw attack: +2 1d6+2.
Gear: crowbar, heavy mining pick, sacks, Sewer swamp monster costume. 1 ever burning torch. 3 bottle of oil. Flint,smudge pot and steal(Arson)
CR 1

What Keating, and most others don’t know is that there is in fact an actual sewer swamp monster in the sewers. With all the weird chemicals that have been dumped into the sewers over the years, as well as just the ever present ambient magic of a city like Freeport it goes with out saying that inevitably something would rise out of the goop.

In this case it is a shambling mound that has become attracted to the area of Keating's lair due to all the noise he has made and the smell of the wine stored in his basement lair.

Sewer swamp monster: AC: 19 HP: 60. immune to electricity DR 10 vs fire Move 20. 2 Slams +11 2d6+5 . If both are successful can constrict target for an addition 2d6+7.

Full information on shambling mounds via the D20PFSRD at this link.
http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/plants/shambling-mound

The shambling mound has no treasure.

4: Lair of the Vampire Queen.

Every environment has it’s alpha predator, the sewers of Freeport have the “Countess Du Masq”.

The Countess is a mysterious individual mentioned in a few of the early Freeport publications, she has a history shrouded in rumor and gossip. She runs “Theme” nightclub called the "House of Masks", where all the individuals associated with it (both staff and clients) have to wear masks. The Countess her self has long fed into her own mysterious persona with an occasional hint that she is a assassin from a far off land. A vampire. A demon queen and other story’s, all to hide the fact that she is actually a Vampire.

She had long used the Sewer as a way to get rid of bodies and traverse the city during day light hours, so a entrance to the sewer lies in the basement of the club.

She does not bother hiding this entrance, in fact she has gone out of her way to make it appear more frightening then it actually is. Including having the door made out of a giant skull, and filling the room and the area around it with various “Vampire” trappings .There is even a coffin in the chamber.

She uses this “hide in plane sight” to build up the image of her being a Vampire to the point that no One takes it seriously because it's such a cliche

Having a steady stream of “willing victims”, she seldom has to hunt the sewers for food. Though she is known to take a stroll about the sewers just to keep abreast of the various going's on . She takes little notice of the cultist, thieves and merchants that use the sewers, though occasionally something will attract her attention-Something usually involving adventures.

The Countess’s sewer entrance lair is a good red hearing for a GM to toss at a low level party. She might take sadistic joy out of tormenting them for a day or Two before she either loses interest or just kills them. If the party is interesting enough to keep her amused she could find a use for them in some way and maybe even become a Patron of there adventures-While constantly keeping them guessing, is she a vampire or is she just playing the part.

Obviously the Lair is not her real lair and the coffin is not her real coffin. In fact she lost her real coffin in a ship wreck 80 year ago and her actual “lair” is her bed room.

The Countess Du Masq is a very powerful Vampire, she is a CR 15 encounter on her own.

So there are just some examples of the goings on in our fair city’s sewers, the idea behind this is that once you enter things like magic into the equation Something as normal as a sewer system, suddenly becomes a very interesting place.

A very stinky, wet, gross place but still interesting

Till next time

be excellent

Freeport is copyright Green Ronin Games

2015 Gaming Blog: Skill vs Skill.

I thought we would take a moment to explore a couple of skills that appear in most Gaming Product and that illicit a lot of confusion.

Those skills are, at least as they appear in D&D/Pathfinder known as. Knowledge Arcana, and Spellcraft.

Of course the big confusion is Arcane vs Spellcraft? Aren’t they the same thing? It's like asking is the Art of the Occult the same as the Science of the Occult

First hear is the description of each of the two skills as they appear in the Pathfinder SRD/OGL
.

Knowledge Arcana
You are educated in a field of study and can answer both simple and complex questions about the Arcane.
 Answering a question within your field of study has a DC of 10 (for really easy questions), 15 (for basic questions), or 20 to 30 (for really tough questions).
You can use this skill to identify monsters and their special powers or vulnerabilities. In general, the DC of such a check equals 10 + the monster's CR. For common monsters, such as goblins, the DC of this check equals 5 + the monster's CR. For particularly rare monsters, such as the tarrasque, the DC of this check equals 15 + the monster's CR, or more. A successful check allows you to remember a bit of useful information about that monster. For every 5 points by which your check result exceeds the DC, you recall another piece of useful information. Many of the Knowledge skills have specific uses as noted on Table: Knowledge Skill DC's.

Identify auras while using detect magic	Arcana	15 + spell level
Identify a spell effect that is in place	Arcana	20 + spell level
Identify materials manufactured by magic	Arcana	20 + spell level
Identify a spell that just targeted you	Arcana	25 + spell level
Identify the spells cast using a specific material component	Arcana	20

Now lets take a look at Spellcraft.

Spellcraft(Int; Trained Only)

You are skilled at the art of casting spells, identifying magic items, crafting magic items, and identifying spells as they are being cast.
Spellcraft is used whenever your knowledge and skill of the technical art of casting a spell or crafting a magic item comes into question. This skill is also used to identify the properties of magic items in your possession through the use of spells such as detect magic and identify. The DC of this check varies depending upon the task at hand. Also you can use it to Identify spells as they are being cast (hey that's a Fireball, run!) Identifying a spell as it is being cast requires no action, but you must be able to clearly see the spell as it is being cast, and this incurs the same penalties as a Perception skill check due to distance, poor conditions, and other factors. Learning a spell from a spell book takes 1 hour per level of the spell (0-level spells take 30 minutes). Preparing a spell from a borrowed spell book does not add any time to your spell preparation. Making a Spellcraft check to craft a magic item is made as part of the creation process. Attempting to ascertain the properties of a magic item takes 3 rounds per item to be identified and you must be able to thoroughly examine the object.

So, yeah they are a lot the same. Each seems to complete the other and shares many of the same ideas. Arcane lets you identifies magic and magical threats, Spellcraft lets you identify magic and magical threats. The main difference is Time.
A Wizard is the Scientist of Magic so he would require some understanding of both the History of Magic and how to recognize the use of magic in the field. While a Sorcerer, the artist of magic might not ever take any Ranks in either skill.

In the end it's a matter of Flavor I think. In most Games a player is asked to make a Arcane roll as many times as he is asked to make a Spellcraft roll.

They are in a way the same, some GM's might even tighten up there game by House ruling they are the same skill?

Its one of the many mysteries of our beloved RPG, each of you have there own idea on how to incorporate them.

Till then.
Be excellent

We built this City. Thoughts on a Fantasy City Game

FREEPORT FEBURAY: Gaming blog.

While I did promised you guys we would be pursuing some older RPG to take a look at and review as the new RPG market is pretty empty these days.

So instead.

I have been running a RPG in the Freeport setting for the past Six years, it has been a very Living-Sandbox Urban Crawl game that everyone has enjoyed playing in.

Freeport is certainly not the first City of scum and villainy in the History of the Role Playing Hobby, there have been “City’s of Adventure” as long has there been a REPG industry. Some of them are amazing (Skullport, City State of the Invincible Overlord) some of them, not so much.
The idea of a Free City filled with Criminals, Thieves and Pirates seems to stand out as an amazing idea, which is why so many have been made over the years.

While I have collected a lot of Fantasy City’s something about Freeport stood out for me. The combination Pirate themed high adventure and ancient Lovecraft Horror made it an interesting place to play, plus Sharks with Guns.

True this will not be the first Blog dedicated to City games, Zack S did an amazing job with his City book Vornheim.

The problem with a Living Sandbox city of “Adventure” is that it would never work and most of them have a lot of stuff that makes no sens. A Casino, next to an Opera House? A Church of Paladins next to the privet mansion of the Lich King?

How does that make sens?

A Monster filled Slum in a city of Thieves, pretty much the whole city would be a low rent Shanty Town wouldn’t it?

Four casinos might work in a small Town but 20 or 30? Plus all those drunken low life Bars, Inn's and Taverns? How do they stay open, how to they get repeat costumers if the visitors are always killed by the Evil Landlord?

A city run by and populated by Thieves, Pirates, Evil cultists and worst of all “Adventurers” like you and me would self destruct in a few years!

There is a reason why Gold rush boom towns failed when the Gold ran out, there is a reason why the Age of Pirates came to an end.

And there is a reason why Las Vegas works, and lets face it Vegas is the closest thing we have in the US to a Waterdeep or a Skullport.

Vegas does not work because of the supposed Mob Connections. It works because it keeps evolving.

If there were as many gun fights (and Monster appearances ?)now as there were in Vegas 50 years ago it would have never become the City it is today.

. If old Casinos had not undergone face lifts or been eliminated to create space for new Casinos, Vegas would have self destructed.
Cheep bars are replaced with 5 Star restaurant. Glitzy ½ naked show girls are replaced with Celina Dion and Cirq Du Soley(SP?).

Las Vegas works because it's job is not to get the visitors to waste money once, it's job is to get the visitors to waste money over and over again Year after Year. It works because there is a whole infrastructure dedicated to keeping the City relevant Because there is a another part of the City off the Strip where normal everyday things happen. Vegas has Homes, Schools, Hospitals and all the other things your Town has. It has evolved to fit the times.

A Fantasy City like Freeport would never work the way it's presented, it had to evolve as the Game evolved. If the Players failed to put out the “Great Green Fire” then I had to calculate how that event effected the City. When they killed the Dire Turkey, I had to calculate how much damage a giant Turkey caused and who prospered from it?

My Freeport Game works because it keeps evolving based on what the players do or do not do and the fact that I assume the City is still working just because the game is over for the week or the Players never even met that NPC.

In order to run a City Game, or any Game for that matter the GM has to embrace the fact that a City is not static. It keeps chugging along even if the PC's are not there.

For example, during One of the very First Sessions of my Freeport Game the players encountered a group of Human Thugs. Insults were exchanged, Swords were drawn, Blood was spilled. When the dust settled Two of the Thugs had escaped.

A session or Two latter the PC's encountered another group of Thugs in the employe of the Big Bad and amongst them were the Two thugs who had survived the previous encounter with the Party and having done do knew what to expect (IE They leveled, because yes NPC's can level)

This cycle continued for almost 2 years. Time and again, the party would run in to those Two guys in some forum and as such those Two guys were now almost the same level as the party and had become legitimate threats in there own right. The story continued to One of the last encounters and the Dynamic Duo now having earned the respect of the Party turned on the Big Bad to further there own ends.

The first freeport Game came to an end but those two guys were still running around in freeport so when the Second freeport game began, I had to consider where they were now.

It's 2015 and I am running my 4^th Freeport game (on Tuesday nights at Seths Games and Anime). Everything that happened in the previous Freeport games has effected the City to help create it's current incarnation and those two Thugs from 6 years ago?

Well they have there own History now and are still around.

Thug number One has become a well known Mercenary by the name of “Pretty Boy” Ty.

Thug number Two has become the owner of a local “Gym” (IE: Fight Club) as well as a respected and feared Mercenary by the name of “Yellow Boxer”

And let's not forgot the still evolving story of “DOMO” the last Kobold on Earth!

All this happened because each event and encounter and whispered conversation the Party interacted with during the past 6 Years helped to shape Freeport as it stands today. As will the events of last weeks Game (You think no One noticed that the Party destroyed the Pale Temple?)

need a starting kernel to get the City game of your Dreams going?

Lets say that The PC's are rewarded with a House at the end of the Scenario? Well what's up with that? Where is it? Who's House was it before the Players? Are the Party using the house? Does any One else in Town know that the Party eats and sleeps in this House? Do there enemies know?

Any GM who wants to run a Sand Box Living City Urban Crawl Scenario has to remember this, the City only works if you edit out the stuff that makes no sens (like an Opera House) and if you keep evolving the City.

So come on by Seths Games and Anime, find your Fantasy City and start creating your own “Freeport “ populated with your own Story and your own First level Thug who grows up to become something else because the PC's let him live?

Till next time...Be excellent

* Freeport, the City of Adventure is Copyright Green Ronin Games.

I DINK THE PIXXY
The colectid Witm Wisdome and Weirdness of the Staff and Customers of Seths Games and Anime. 2014-
When “Geeks” try to be funny or silly, we seldom are. BUT! When we just let go and talk/play/interact we have this ability to string together words and thoughts in a way that creates sheer laughable outrageous Chaos.
This book is an attempt to chronical the thoughts,ideas and unuseaul phrases that are said by memebers of the Seths Nation. In addition to genral everyday weirdness I have overherd.

2-26-14
The Swiss Amy Fire extinguisher-It has 102 uses in the Kitchen.

So your saying that these Ancient Statues are Ancient huh? Way to point that out Kid.

I am appreciating it as a Man wearing a cape right now

Those are some wet lasers

My Pokemon is the Messiah

There is no Honer when the fate of the world is at stake

If you cant say something nice, post it on the internet

Shmitty 3:16

2-19-14
You will wake up when I hit you over the head with some one

Gnome! On a stick

Mike: if we only had a ranger
Joel: Shit, I am a ranger.

When Jack Marshall Dies his life flashes before our eyes.

2-12-14

Popcorn Bong.

Its my Burp, I am just sharing it with you

Geriatric Destruction

Ninja Chicago

That’s a mighty fine vintage of cheep wine-Wednesday

Arron: Is that a Marijuana leaf on his belt
Mike: No its a star burst

You cant tame me, you don’t have enough badges

Mike: whats the directions ?
Tristan L=ha, ha, ha. Lo=Han, ha ha

Does his fan club count as a club?

2-5-14

If you bight my shorts off, I will be upset

You know why this does not work, our arms are to small

I know what the R is for, but what is the P for
Promotion!

We suplex all of them!

3-5-2014
Every time one of my Characters dies in Tristan world of light and dark game, an angel gets it's wings-So far that’s 5 Angels.

One of us is Blind, One of us is Deaf, One of us is Dumb.
No, I am pretty sure we are all dumb

Now don’t just give up your S-card to any Demi God.

I haz a animated magic head

I think we sunk to a new low.
No, I’m pretty sure we sunk to that low years ago.

Bob, I love watching your face when you run for these guys. The look of frustration and anger is so heartbreaking. Its like someone just killed your Dog, its like these guys are just so...
Stupid?

3-12-14

You must be this tall to join the Brothers Tarkus.

I hit like you Know, because I am a Bard – brain

Tarkus-O's, the breakfast cereal with taste you can see

3-13-14

Gnome your Roll and Shut your mouth!

Once you go Gnome, you never go home.

When I here the word Dragon I don't think Real Estate empire

3-19-14
This whole table is so wrong

We are going to get kicked out of seths

Stay out of my box, these are My socks

Close counts with hammers

Mettle gear ferret. Or is it like steal wool

I am pretty interested to see how you poo

Velocoraptor is a fuel source?          
Yes its fossil fuel.

So all you guys do is make silly voices and roll dice?

3-20-14
I listen to see if I can listen more

I dink the Pixy

Oh the irony, the world's smallest shark just got eaten.

3-26-14

What are we going to name our space ship?
I don't care just as long as no one messes with my Box of Socks!
That’s it! Our Space Ship is named the Sock Box!

Meanwhile in the Frozen throne
Now arthes, lets see who you really are!
ZOINK
OLD MAN WITHERSPOON!
Yes and I would have gotten away with it to if it was not for you 40 kids and your boomkin!

How much is gold cost

4-1-14
CATCHING UP FROM PREVIOUS GAMES
What Symbol is the emblem-Jamie 2009

It is almost imposable to Intimidate someone who is Unconscious- Mike 2009

All skills default to Streetwise, right-Will 2009
If he is blind then he can not find himself?- KC 2009

I never said Lucian was a GNOME!-Mike 2009

I am going to go look at the thing that is not there!-KC 2009

Is he the Good kind of evil or the bad kind of Evil? -KC 2009

I do not care what they put on there papers, all Adventures are Chaotic Evil, Right?-Mike 2010

Nothing Burns like dead-Mat 2010

Eric there is something wrong with your familiar
I know, it's broken

hey I just remember I have hands -Johnny 2010

Infinity, well it's Big sir. Not as big as your cock but still pretty big-Mike 2010

I know he says he is a Paladin of Tyr but we all know Billy is really a paladin of “can I get some?”-mat 2010

Eowin that’s a Umbrella not a Diaper-Seth 2010

I am going to upgrade my manna-Seth 2010

Ok ill grapple with my crossbow!-veronica

Adventures, another name for terrorist-Mike-2010

I don't beat my wife often, but when I do it was because I was drinking Dos Eques -Gypsy 2010

I suppose you came for the Amulet?!
No, we came for the Buffet!

20 hexes -That’s over 1000 feet- Richard

1,2,3-5 miles am I right Richard?-Mike 2010

get behind him so we will have Mingy-Mingy?-Mark 2011

I put the sword in my Wuba- mark 2011

That duck is on FIRE!
We will never say that again. 2013

Well slice me with a Spatula-Jim lampmen -the father of the original Quote book

This magic game thing, it will never catch on-Me and TJ storm a week before we started playing magic.

Oh look an invisible fire-Mike

Oh look another town that’s not happy to see us- Mike

But were five feet away from the door!
Lets go shopping, we need more stuff
what, look the door is right there. Its like 5 feet
mat I’m going to telport the party to waterdeep so we can shop for more Geer
I can reach the door right now! Its literally Five feet!
Ok who wants to go to waterdeep
I’m going to open the god damn door Chris, were five feet away and the city is about to be destroyed
Mat I knock out Mikes Rogue and telport us to waterdeep
….
2 weeks latter
What happened to the city?

4-5-13
Well now that I'm dead it makes sens I speak a dead Language...

Even dead he wont shut up!

He doesn’t see you.
I see him I’m just choosing to ignore him in the hopes that he passes on, because otherwise I’m going to have to get an exorcist.

I’m not that kind of Cleric.

4-9-14
I’m not short, I’m standing in a well

of course it all revolves around you

Your seeing Two caravans at the same time, that never ends well

Caravan on Caravan Violence

I notice you did not roll a lot of dice,

4-10-14
Worst Dinner Party Ever.

Purple Worm! It's whats for dinner.

Purple Worm: the other purple meat.

I am the Anacrhromance Zim...
ALL HAIL ZIM!
I m going to sing the doom song!

5-1-14
Put the rabbit down Kenny

Will your god still protect you if I cut off your head?
Lets find out. I'm Naked!

If only we had a wizard? Oh wait, dude your a Wizard!

5-7-14
The nagadine family Motto: The only thing more important then Money is land. The only thing more important then land is Love and the only thing more important then Love is freedom: The Chaotic freedom to have no idea what your going to do next.

Well after 7 days I had you declared legally dead so yeah, the castle is mine...and I licked the walls.

I did exactly what you told me to

I’m going to just be in the other room making a pie.

You see ruined castle, I see theme hotel!

No I swing at the captain,
Which captain, there are two of them.
Yes

5-16-14
The chalk still looks wet

That’s right you better run.
I’m not running
That’s right you better walk

Dibs on the elf

All you need is Wool, Wheat, Stone, iron, wood and you can build anything

5-16-18
Hey that 2011 Camelot show is a total rip off of game of Thrones....
Yeah because La Mort De Arthur was written what like 100 + years ago

Ill Tap that manna

5-20-14
I don’t want to scare him off, baby steps to Cathulu.

Just because you CAN, does not mean you should.

I count in Jelly beans

My boss just beat me up

5-21-14
Finally the nagadine has come back...to the Tomb of Horrors...Oh god we are going to die

Love knows no color, but I don't need to see it

Chain mail Pasta machine

I don't know what they are I will call them Nagy Coins, or bit coins

2 Pounds of Admantine? What can we do with that.

Magnetic armor? Is that a bad thing.

An explosion, underground, in a small room, filled with poison gas This cant go wrong

A Evil chick,  a Dinosaur and an insane gnome. Worst adventuring party ever

5-27-14

Goblins Favorite game
Whats in my pocket and where did it come from

Mordikain, Electrum, Pole Arms? What happened to them?
They were victims for the most powerful of spells, litigation

Prestidigitation is a 0 level wish spell

6-3-14
Girls do not do karate

6-4-14
I guess we have to go in to town and buy $600.00 in Onyx
You cant buy onyx for $600.00. It cost Six Million.
(get it Buy Onyx)

I'm on a boat

You can stay here in the court with me but you have to keep your mouth shut
We will be outside

I need to hire Actual, Competent, Adventures
Well we are two of those

I studied Alchemy at a Beauty School. Both are about change.

3 days to your wedding and your playing D&D
I know my priority’s!

6-5-14
I light my wood on fire
You have a torch
I light my wood on fire
You have a torch dude
I light my wood on fire
Do you know what a torch is? Do they not have fire where you come from

I put a bomb on the bug
Well your trained adventures so if you think that’s a good idea I am all for it, but I’m just going to be down the hall

I speak bug?

We toss the dwarf

go for the eyes boo

6-12-14
If no one has ever survived the Tomb of horrors, how come everyone has herd of it
Marketing

Every time someone dies in the tomb, it levels.

A bunch of guys just went in the tomb and died, why are we going in
To get there stuff

I'm here to buy a boat, why are such amazing heroes as your self here today
Choice

6-12-14
All Super heroes are white men, there are no Positive Female Role Models in Comics.
Storm, Wonder Woman, Cat Woman, Kitty Pride, Willow, White Tiger, Misty Blaze,
Mike Morales, Black panther, Nick Furry, Falcon, oh and
KAMAL the new Mrs marvel!

6-13-14
Stupid Duel Decks

I don't have to think when I am at Seths

6-16-14
Kill it with fire

A racoons?

6-17-14
Breakfast for dinner, always a winner.

1502 Slices of bacon!

6-19-14
Unfortunately Once you learn how to speak BIRD you can never unlearn it and Birds never shut up

Ill Give you this Blue Potion
Ill take it
Ill give you my soul
Well he wins.

I am Nicole Bolos!

Look I finished, SUCK IT ARRON.

Snow Covered land...Suck it

6-23-14
WWII Germany, they were communists right?

I'm not sure why the Little Girl was not with her Mom? Is it because she was Jewish?

The Boy in the Striped pajamas, what was that about?

This show is not Historical Accurate
Duh, its a TV show

7-2-14
2 goblins and a hobbit, I’m getting eaten for sure

I love it when a plan I did not plan comes together

My pet is named dragon, he may  have some  issues

Run,run from the lobster

3 guys playing female's-weird

7-10-14
Go for the eyes BO

Do NOT get him started on Star Wars!

The Weasel is the Tank?

Who's on Point?
My familiar
The familiar killed 2 zombies, how many did you kill again.

7-11-14
When choosing the wrong fight, at least chose the right weapon

Objects always appear larger and more cumbersome then they appear, in comic books.

If you depend on a weapon, you are asking to have it taken away

Fireball your friends, they like it

8-5-14
Always wish for a Turkey Sandwich

Good, bad- I’m the goblin with the Gun

Well I'm no wizard but...Followed by an explosion

Dude you did 64 points of damage!

8-6-14
Remember when we thought Lure/ Thicket basilisk was a broken combo

Dude, remember when people were like- Mox, whats the point? I have a land that does the same thing.

Jim Lampman once tried to wall paper his bathroom with Kird Ape's

fetch Lands? Why would I ever play that or pain lands?

Best card ever: ornithopter

8-7-14
Men. If they can make a Dick Joke out of it. They will.

Oh My.

Force of will, what a dumb card.

8-8-14
Ok ill sort cards for a bit but I need to work on my EDH deck

hey Arron remember when I said I was only going to do a few cards today

the best cosplay of a shelf I have ever seen

8-15-14
Goblin, in a box

We need to protect Zigs from the rangers.
He just did 90 points of damage in one attack! We need to protect the Rangers from Zig

How come every time we give a player cool stuff, that player drops out of the game

Thomas got kicked out of the fair

maybe I’m stupid but Fun and easy to use should not be used in the same sentence with Video about AIDS


SCION:  I suggest we deploy Alchemical Fire, Goblin Land Sharks, Acid Squids and a Singularity Grenade sir!
Keg: For a formal dinner?
SCION: One can never be to careful sir, it is a Formal Dinner

8-16-14
I’m not grumpy
Yeah but you will be in the future

The radio is Spanish

What cute lil eye holes.

It's like robo cop, but Kempo used yarn

I’m a spy
You never tell them your the spy
I’m the cleaning lady
Your a guy

I have Aspergers
No, no you don't your just dumb

Look its the fake mox
Big deal

Retcon and litigation, to very powerful wizards

Well theirs a technology guide for pathfinder, its ruined
There are rules on doing a space game in hear as well
Oh, never mind

its sad but Tuesday when someone asked me if I had herd about robin, I said: Which one, Dick Grayson, Jason Toad, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne or Stephanie Brown.
Of course they meant Robbin Williams.

When ever I see a big red truck roll by, I say “optimums?”


8-17-14
The Bread is amazing.
Have you had the bread it was amazing
This is the best bread I ever had.
Do you think the Privet chef likes hearing that the best thing he made was the Garlic Bread?
(It was pretty damn good bread and the rest of the food was Blah but still)

Roll for stealth:
Me: 25
Zigs: 34

Roll for perception
Me; 28
Zigs 42

Roll for Disable devise
me: 27
Zigs 34

Roll for damage
me; 15
Zigs: 69

JUST WHY DID YOU THINK THIS PARTY NEEDED A ROGUE MATT?

8-27-14
Who is HP Lovecraft and what is a Cthulhu?
Your kidding right.

The problem with using Movie lines all the time is that most people have not seen the movies.

8-29-14
E=MC2 , whats that?
Your kidding right?
I don't know science.
It's not Science, its every day common knowledge 4 year old's know what it is.
They do not!
Kid, whats E=MC2?
Theroy of relativity?

8-30-14
Just because you can, does not mean you should

I believe everyone should have a theme song, hers just happens to be about a Sandwich\
Mike, all your songs are about a Sandwich
And?

See, see this is what happens. I invite one person over and next thing you know. It's a party.\

This is just like that time when I invited you over and you brought the keg and the marching band.

It's like Tom Sawyer and the fence, just convince them it's fun

Spidervers, what is a spider verse.

Whats Teresa eating?
Soylant green?

Hey look, wolverines dead. Theirs a new captain America, A new Thor and they killed Archie.
They killed ARCHIE!

9-1-14
Wheat, its the gate way drug.

I think we need to cut you off from the wheat Pete

I'm going to die my hair blue.

13 years and I finally beat my wife at a bored game

when mistress says dinner at 6, dinner better damn well be at 6

mom, is that your wig in the road

hi, I'm cousin Ned kid

wining Settlers just once is on my bucket list

A call of Cthulhu game would be fun

9-6-14
Ice cream flavored ice cream?

I’m the human mannequin
Your super power is standing still ?

You should do Situps
I can sit, its the Up part I have a problem with-ZING

Dude I walk 10000 Steps just going to work and I haven’t lost any weight?

No good can come from this gun thing

9-7-14
Sell a man a gun, he can kill for a day
Teach a man how to build a gun and he can kill everyday

The Goblin is not the Gunsmith? Well hell then let em take the old guy.

I can always override the dice
then why bother rolling the dice
My character is smarter then me

So were running a protection scam

Adventures, more brave then smart

I lost myself

he has stuff, kill him

Were not looting, were looking for clues.

9-11-14
 Uppity Whore

Ah the hell with it, I shoot her.

The one thing I hate most about this town is all the god damned vampires.

Have you seen how pretty they are, this is the old west. That ain't natural!

What are you like 22? That’s old.

They haven’t drawn a Gun, they haven’t assaulted a lady and they haven’t said anything about  Texas, I’m good.

You remind me of my uncle Zed.
Zed is dead princess, Zed is dead.

9-15-14
I don't care. Look I just don't. Pick a number and times that by a Billion, that's how much I don't care

I listen so I can listen some more.

How much for a room?
You can stay for free sir.
How much for a room?
You can stay for free sir.
How much for a...
What part of free did you not understand sir.

What is it with you and bacon?

9-18-14
Cookies and cream flavored Oreo? Are not Oreo already cookies and Cream? So its just Oreo flavored Oreo?...INCEPTION.....

I’m going to build a spawner that spawns spawners, and each spawner it spawns will spawn a spawner...INCEPTION

You kids today and your stuff, in my day we did not have gems-we had rocks

Have you seen Alex's Dragon dagger?
I’ve been a fan of his dragon dagger since 1994

Something at this table smells weird.
Did you just Sniff KP
Yes but it's not him.
It's my fry’s
No its not
did you just sniff Jose?
Yeah but it's not him.
Are you just going to sniff everyone at the table
Yes
Its my fry's dude!
No its something else
Well is it me?
No you smell like roses

Mike is the werewolf, are you the werewolf
Would I tell you if I was?

My dwarf is Darby
Mine is Honey- Mellon

I ask you to do one thing Arron, one thing. Kill Rodger and you fail at that?

9-20-14
No they are not Steam punk Music- there is no such thing as steam punk music

what idiot would remove on block, right in front of the nether portal so that the second you step out you fall in lava?
MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have an irrational fear of Bacon

10-4-14

The only thing that can kill WOW is wow, the only thing that can kill Magic is magic, the only thing that can kill PATHFINDER is Pathfinder (And they are doing a pretty good job of that)

10-5-14
If you can not see it, then it is probably not important.
I cant see Gravity Dana but I am pretty sure it's important. Also Radio Waves, Light, Viruses and Oxygen.

History is not important, its just facts. Math and science are important.
Um math and Science is just facts and Math and Science are often wrong. You can not question history because it HAPPENED, it is the story of who we are. True the documentation may not be 100% correct but the Alamo happened. 9/11 happened. You kid being born happened. That’s History, that’s fact. Science/math are often if not always wrong.

10-12-14
I never argue Politics,religion, Sex, Science or History with a stranger. I don't like making them look stupid.

Do you want to a free newspaper
No, I cant read-thanks for rubbing slat in that wound.

Do you want a free news paper today?
I'm allergic to newspaper, why would I want one

Would you like to buy a candy bar to support the Deaf?
I’m about to walk in to a Market where they sell 100's of candy bars, why would I want yours?
If your deaf how come you can hear me.

10-16-14
S1 The Tomb of Horror's. No one knows where it is located, no one has ever survived it yet everyone has herd of it? How is that a thing?

Oh hell no.

Torro says the ancient Apache word for big man. Inauk Chop.
Apache Chief, the most racist member of the Super friends?
What about Black Lightning?
Well what about Luke Cage, power man?
What, Luke Cage is Pimp!

This is a Cow-Tastophe.

Whose Thomas?
What?
Who's Thomas?
No one is Thomas Kim, why are you asking?
It says I am a doubting Thomas.

And I would have got away with it to if it was not for you meddling gunfighters and your giant bear.

Are you willy?
I am if you buy me a beer.

I put a Little blanket on the seat.
Which willy are you again?
Buy me a drink and I will let you know.

Whats your dead wife’s name honey?
Sally.
My name is sally!
Jesus  is every woman in this town named sally?

How much for that pillow

So the third book opens with my funeral then?

10-21-14
“Toss him in the bag of holding”
“There’s no air in the bag of holding, he will suffocate.”
“He's already dead.”
“Oh yeah.”

10-22-14

35 bugbears mike. 35 bugbears in one room. And a behinder? What is that?
Many pogs died to bring you these plans

Face the might of this fully operational slam star

Mike gave his life in the Pog war. Visit the Mike Straus memorial RPG wall

Its the most relaxing part of the store, I think ill put in a Fountain. Maybe a fish tank. Some relaxing music and a couch.

You can take the Pog out of the war, but you can not take the war out of the pog.

A pog gun.

Does anyone in this store play MAGIC!
No, we play Neo pets now shut up.

Dragon ball Z CCG. I played this 10 years ago.
It's like time stood still.

If your in trouble, and if you can find them. Maybe you can hire the Pog team.

10-30-14
You are peanut butter and jealous

Just because you can deep fry it, does not mean you should deep fry it

You do not have to put bacon in everything

11-5-14
When I return there better be adventure, and scotch.

I take the box
Out of his hand?

Mike your spoiling her
And?

I like you, ill eat you last.

But papa can I kill him after the sex?
No, just sex
Ahhhh

everyone  has 3 faces. The face you show the world. The face you show your loved one's . And the face you show yourself.

You asked for the deck of many things!

11-6-14
Freeport with out Arron is just a city.

It will work in theory.

I turn into a rat

Dude, your an action figure

11-14-14
Zombi Ninja Lava Sharks: make it happen.

Dude, where are your shoes?

I kick him with vengeance

11-15-14
Goblins. A 2 year old with a engineering degree.

It's like Gondor, but you know smaller and not as cool.

Mike your a mutant, you could join the X-men.
Yeah I have the power to annoy machines.
I can see Colossus doing a fast ball special and throwing you at an ATM

We need the paperwork by the end of October
You do know it's November right?

11-16-14
Do or do not,there is no try.
How can I do or do not if I don't try?
#Yoda is a sith.

Don't be said that I am saying good by, be happy that we met in the first place.

11-18-14

A Poem ‪#‎Freeport‬
Go not into Freeport my boy.
Where the Chamber pots vanish and Madness stirs.
Go not into Freeport my boy
For tonight the Fog is Murky....
Go not into Freeport my boy.
For tonight around every corner danger is Lurking.
Go not into Freeport my boy.
Where the Chamber pots vanish and madness stirs.
For tonight is the night of.....THE DIRE TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUWAHAHAHHAHAHHA

11-19-14
Its time to put on your big girl pants, drink a cup of shut the fuck up and deal with your problems because we are all tired of hearing you complain

Why do so many people lie about being in the military and what they did in the military

I want to be an underage Nympho mancer

He knocked up a shark

I was at the destruction of the Golden dues and all I got was this T-Shirt

So you just add the word Steam or soul to anything and it instantly becomes cool?
Steam shark

Waffles

11-21-14
Happy reekmas.
Daddy, what were the Pog Wars?
What were the pog wars? A question a child might ask, but not a childish question.

Never get off the boat! Cornelius got off the boat.

Like a snail, waling on the edge of a magic card.

Dire Turkey

11-24-14
Spider man, he's in the justice league right?

You always hear about arson, you never hear about floods Is there such a thing as a floodanist? I mean no one ever investigates for floods right? Do they have a Flood ward in the hospital

Well she had 60% flood damage over her entire body.
Dr will she be ok?
Yeah, it was just water? We gave her a towel and a cup of soup-she will be fine

TMD- Token of mass destruction.

It was the assassination of Arron that started the pog war.

I am the thanksgiving Grinch.

11-29-14
There is an Arsonist, is there a floodenest.

Mike and Pete's ½ ass landscaping. ½ the price, ½ the quality

Why did they stop with telegraph and telephone, where are the other communication streets.

12-3-14
Googel is the Orcal of delphi of our generation: You ask it question and it answers, though the answers seldom make sens or involve porn

you do know they never actually read those surveys right?

My memories are in Thailand.
But I'm not.'
What sucks is when I get the bill

So your trying to interrogator him while he is torturing you?
Thats brilliant!

Your a fisherman? I'd ask for a boat.

12-4-14
Another Victim of the Pog wars

My tits will not be calm

Do they know it's reekmass after all

Reek_gifting

12-6-14
yes Alex I will take, THINGS I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW for $500.00!

12-10-14
If she ever stooped talking she would realize she has nothing to say.

12-13-14
Nicole Bolis is that high school jock who is always hanging out talking about the big game. I mean he's an elder legendary dragon planes-walker! Doesn’t he have anything better to do.

You can't dust for floods.

Jase is the Michael Cain/Samuel L Jackson of magic. He's in every set!!

Who's the 4th guy.

Worst D list supper villains ever or best D List supper villains ever?

12-14-14
A party of all bards.

The 4th guys is the shepherd.

1-21-15
I hate giants on fire

I beat the smart out of you

I hate sarcasm

I hate saying good by

Just let me go

1-23-15
I have sexual Dimorphism.
You have secondary sexual characteristics?
Dude that's not a thing

1-24-14
Iv run this deck four times, how did we not notice that my commander was NOT a legend?
I thought ANKLE SHANKER was a legend
I know, so did I

Domo hates you

1-25-14
Abrasive daggers

Willy Wallus
I don't know, will he?

So he is Old King Cole?

Not many of you have seen a blade this long, much less mastered it. I am very fast with my long blade.
So fast they never see it?

Javelin Chuker is racist, to javelins

I'm going to take it, rather then give it.

I toss him farther then an average bear

When peter jackson invincibility re shoots Lord of the Rings it's going to be all legolas.

Long before your fathers time
So like what, 30 years ago?

Kareem Abdul Ork

LEGOLAS COULD DO IT







1-26-15
I am a fire fighter, look at my big hose

He is a very good popper

Come heare between my legs